Grateful for Nightmares
by Mai Lynn Bennet
Summary: I accidentally deleted this story... oops To the rest of the ship, it was obvious. To them, well, they were oblivious. In the end, the one thing that they both despise would become the thing they're both grateful for.
1. Grateful for Nightmares

It was that fateful day all over again. Taz knew she was dreaming, yet that didn't make it any easier.

She was standing, once again, on a thin, crumbling ledge overlooking the ruins of the robot base. She could feel Up's back pressed up against hers, as they fought off the masses of robots that just seemed to keep coming and coming. The flow didn't seem to stop.

She could feel the sweat pouring off her face, mixing with the blood from the gash on her forehead and dripping down onto her clothes and the floor. Her hair was a matted mess of tangles, falling down on her face, the red bandana stained and ripped.

Taz was tired. Along with the gash on her forehead, there was the cut on her arm from where the edge of a zapper shot had grazed her arm, missing her by millimetres, the pain that shot up her leg every time she took a step and the feeling like she'd broken the finger that pulled the trigger on her gun. But none of that mattered. She had to be tough, not show pain, or fear, because the slightest sign of weakness could be their downfall.

And she didn't want to cause that.

Suddenly, she saw a gap in the robots coming, and in that gap, she could see it. The core of the whole base, and she knew that one shot, and this would all be over.

Raising the zapper, she took aim, finger poised over the trigger. And then time seemed to slow.

She felt the cold gaze of a robot on her back and turned to see a robots laser pointed right at her face. A look of fear flashed in her eyes as she watched the beam grow in the gun, but, before it could shoot, it was blasted away. Up was standing there, zapper pointed where the robot had been seconds before. He flashed her a quick smile, and Taz felt the grin spread on her face.

But as quick as the grin appeared, it was gone. Just as Taz turned back to the robots, she felt Up's back ripped from where it was, pressed against hers. She sent a few more shots at the robots before turning around, to see Up suspended in the air, metal tentacles wrapped around his arms and legs, holding him spread-eagle in the air.

The fear was eminent in his eyes as the robot's chest opened up, revealing the hulking metal mechanics of the robots inner workings, along with a slit, holding a long jagged circular buzz saw. Taz cried out in horror and warning – and Up's head flicked around to meets Taz's eyes one last time. _Go!_ They seemed to say, _Do it! Finish it!_

Before Taz could let her emotions get the better of her, she turned and pulled the trigger, sending the shot straight through the gap in the robots. She watched the core explode, but just as it did, she heard the one sound she never wanted to hear.

Mixed with the sound of the explosion, a splitting scream shook the building and her head whipped around at the awful, soul splitting sound. Just as she did, she felt something hot and wet splatter across her face and the agonising scream cut off just as quickly as it had begun.

A mixture of horror and fear filled her eyes as she took in the scene. Up, the man who had saved her and taught her, the man who was the only family she had left – her Up – was no longer being held by those awful metal tentacles – at least – not all of him was. A circular buzz saw was stuck in the wall directly behind where Up had been held, still smoking. Tangled up in the tentacles was the right half of Up's body, slowly being crushed by the force of the robot. Lying on the floor just beneath the right half, the left half lay, covered in his own blood.

Taz's scream was deafening, but nothing could make the pain in her chest go away. Optimus Prime was the only robot still operating, the others were all destroyed when the core was shot, and his cold, unfeeling eyes were focused directly on her small body.

Taz raised her gun and aimed it, pulling the trigger for what she hoped would be the last time and closed her eyes so as not to see Up's right side destroyed as the giant, bastard robot falling backwards – missing Up's left side by inches.

As soon as she was certain the last robot was gone, she jumped down from the ledge, ignoring the splitting pain in her leg as she landed, and made her way painfully towards Up as quickly as possible, ignoring the pain in her leg. Yet no amount of time was quick enough.

She reached his side, and fell down with exhaustion, her head falling on what was left of his chest, not even registering the slow, rasping breath that was issuing from what was left of his mouth. Tears formed in Taz's eyes and rolled down her cheeks – and Taz couldn't care less.

Up was gone. He wasn't coming back. She was lying on top of what was left of her family, in the smoking remains of the last robot base, the only person alive for miles around, curled up by the corpse of her commander with sobs wracking her tiny body, and had no hope of escape.

She couldn't care less for the fact that no one was coming, that she was going to die. All she wanted was for Up to come back. For him to hold her in his arms one more time, to tell her it was going to be alright. But he wasn't. He wasn't and he never would.

And if Taz couldn't have that, then, death wasn't such a big problem. She welcomed the black as it came, hoping that she would never wake up. The scout squad would come soon, and all they would find was bodies. They would mourn, the might put up a plaque or something, and they would hope the they were all in a better place, when really, it would just be black.

And she could handle that.

* * *

When she came too, all she could see was white. White, white and more white. She hated white. Someone was calling her name,

"Taz…. Taz…."

It was soft at first, but it got louder and louder,

"Taz, Taz, Taz…. TAZ!"

Suddenly, she jolted up and smacked her forehead on someone else's. She blinked as the world came into focus, and for a minute, all she could see was bright, clear blue.

The face of the man she thought was dead. Up. Her Up.

Tears were still streaming down her face as she gasped for breath,

"You're dead," was all she was able to say. "You're dead."

Up placed his hands on either side of her face,

"Taz, calm down, I'm right here. I'm fine. It was just a dream, its ok."

Taz shook her head and continued to mutter to herself,

"You're dead… You're dead! Am I dead? But you're dead…"

Up shook his head,

"Shh, shh, Taz – I'm fine. I'm right here. Taz, its ok"

Up pulled closer, so her head was resting on his chest, and he held her as she cried. As her tears subsided, Up lifted her face so it was inches from his,

"Taz – listen to me. It was just a dream. It's been three years. I'm still right here. Its ok."

She raised her chin defiantly,

"Prove it."

Up smirked and placed his hands on either side of her face and stared into the dark brown eyes he was so familiar with,

"Do I look real to you?"

Taz shook her head, her eyes never leaving Ups. He moved his face closer so the tip of his nose was pressed against hers,

"How 'bout now?"

Taz blinked, unable to say anything. Her whole world had shrunk down to two pools of blue. Up bit his lip, then did something that shocked the both of them.

He kissed her.

To say Taz was surprised would be an understatement. Her hand went for her knife under her pillow, but then she realised what was happening. Up was really here. It had just been a dream. Up was alive.

And he was kissing her.

And she was kissing him back.

Her hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. His rested on her back, holder her to him, as if he was afraid she would leave.

Eventually, he had to pull away – the need of air had become just too great. He pressed his forehead to hers and smiled breathlessly.

"Believe me now?" He asked smiling. She rolled her eyes and instead of answering, kissed him again. Pulling away, she smirked,

"Of course I do jou big idiota. Just next time, kiss me first." And she pulled him down to capture his lips with hers.

* * *

Although Taz hated the nightmares, and how, if anyone came in during one, they wouldn't find tough-son-of-a-bitch Taz waiting for them, but a blubbering mess with tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes – she loved them too.

Because the only person brave enough to come near her during those times, when she was screaming and crying, was the only person she wanted to see when she woke up.

Because, no matter how terrible the nightmares got, nothing could compare to the immense relief she felt when she saw his face – alive and healthy. The feeling washed though her, and filled her entire body.

Up. Her Up. She was so relieved to be able to call him that. To be able to stop pushing away the feelings that had been building up inside ever since she became his lieutenant, feelings that had shaped her whole career.

Everyone knew that they were perfect for each other – they were exact opposites. Up was calm, collected and planned almost everything he did, whereas Taz was unpredictable, feisty and spontaneous. They balanced each other out, fit perfectly together, it seemed as though their hands, their lips, were moulded for the other.

There had been bets made on how long it would take for them to get together, and it took the best part of a year for Taz to track down every last better. But when the event finally happened – everyone was relieved. It meant that they could walk into the mess hall in the morning holding hands, that Up could kiss her whenever he wanted and wouldn't get any funny looks, and that the crew finally saw the soft side to Taz – the side she had hidden from everyone the moment she stepped on to the starship eight years ago.

And for that, Taz was grateful. Grateful for the number of times Up had saved her life and for the number of times she'd saved his. For the pain, the misery, the utter despair when she thought he'd died, and the joy when she found him alive again.

In the end it all came down to the one thing. The nightmares. The things that caused him to care so much, to do what she'd always wanted him to, to hold her close and tell her it was going to be alright. No one would ever understand her head like he did – and so, in the end, he understood why she was so grateful for the very thing that left her crying and screaming at night. Because it brought them together and lead them to where they were know. And so he too, became grateful.

Grateful for the nightmares.

* * *

**A/N: So what do you think? Its my first Tup fanfic, so cut me some slack if you don't like.**

**Shout out to Luna, my amazing editor (beta-person I don't know the proper terminology), and to Taz, my epic sister-in-everything-but-blood You guys are the best**

**Thank you! Hope you enjoyed! Review! I like knowing that my stories to do get read **


	2. Prechapter: New Years and Mistletoe

**A/N: Ok, so this is set, like before the first chapter. Its how all the rumours and betting started. I don't know if I'll keep writing for this story. Also, a quick note on my other fanfic, Between the Linings – feel free to message me with ideas for the rest. If I don't get anything within the next month or something, I'm taking it down. Cause its annoying me. Tanks guys!**

**Oooo00000OOO000000ooooO**

It was New Year's Eve, exactly three weeks after the mission on Bug World, and the whole crew of Starship 15A2, along with at least three other Starships, were holding a New Year's Eve party in the mess hall.

She was currently standing in front of one of February's multiple full-length mirrors, sneering at her reflection, while on the inside, marvelling at the work the blonde girl had done to her tomboy exterior.

The girl had shoved Taz into a red strapless dress that went to just above her knees with a wide, black belt buckled around her small waist. Underneath the dress she was wearing a pair of black leggings that caressedher ankles, and met the top of a pair of black, heeled boots. Februaryhad managed to get her hair out of the red bandana and it now fell halfway down her back, and was soft and wavy, with a red rose pinned behind one ear.

She didn't look like Taz. She looked like the fifteen year old from six years ago, when Up had found her. And the Taz in front of the mirror didn't like being reminded of what she lost. She hated it.

February – that _estúpido _girl – grabbed her hand and began pulling her towards the door,

"Come on Taz! It'll be fun! And I know that there's at least _one_ guy out there who would tell you just how pretty you look!"

Taz's head snapped around. Did that dumb blonde actually know? Or was she just saying things to get her out of there?

Nope. Judging from the wide smile on her face February knew exactly what Taz had been working for the past two years to cover up; to push away.

Her feelings about Up.

Wishing she hadn't let her guard down like that, she lifted her chin defiantly and walked past February and out the door, her hands in clenched fists at her sides, wishing she had her knife with her, instead of leaving it on her bedside table three hours before.

She stopped when she heard the gasps from the four men – three men and a bug – and crossed her arms, glaring daggers at them, daring them to say something. No one did.

Taz was soon followed by February, Specs and Mega-Girl who walked straight over to their respective partner, and began walking towards the mess hall. Soon, it was only Taz and Up left.

"So," Up began, looking down at his feet, awkwardly, "you wanna go to the party?"

"No es particularmente. But do jou wanna see dat _estúpido _girl try throwing a knife at us?"

Up chuckled,

"We'd either die, or the knife would hit the wall a metre away."

The pair were silent for another couple of seconds before Taz said,

"Well? Are we going or not?"

Up smiled, then held out his arm. She took it and they walked down the corridor, towards the sound of music and laughter. Just before they opened the doors, Up leaned down and whispered in her ear,

"You look beautiful, now stop worrying."

Up knew her too well – he knew what this _estúpido_ outfit would remind her of most, and that her mind would be transported back to the day were she lost everything.

She took deep breath and gave Up a small, and surprisingly terrified, smile, and then pushed the door open.

Up never found out what she was so afraid of.

**Oooo00000OOO000000ooooO**

Three hours later, Up was standing at the makeshift bar, watching over the scene with a parental eye – making sure that alcohol didn't turn the night into a fight.

In one corner, Krayonder had finally managed to succeed in "wooing" Specs into a corner, and was tentatively pressing his lips to hers.

Tootsie was sitting on a bench, yabbering on about horses and haystacks to Mega-Girl who was patiently listening to whatever her husband had to say. She obviously hadn't downloaded the emotion "impatience" yet. Thank Dead-God for that.

As Up scanned the scene, he heard the rising sound of chanting,

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Up shook his head as he made his way over to where Taz was glaring daggers at a drunken ensign who must have done something to offend the fiery lieutenant. Her knife was sticking out of the wall next to where the guy was cowering in terror.

Before Up could stop her, she lunged at the ensign, pummelling him with her tiny fists. Up rolled his eyes and pushed through the crowds to get to Taz.

He wrapped his arms around her small waist and lifted her off the man before she pummelled him to death (she'd done it before – but he refused to go there now) and hoisted her over his shoulder.

"_Mierda!_" The little Hispanic girl yelled, smacking her hands onto the back of her captor, "Up! Put me down jou _idiota!_ Let me _go!_"

Up chuckled and continued walking. He marched out of the mess hall and down the corridors till he reached the gym – then Taz could vent some of her anger out on a punching bag or a stuffed dummy instead of the drunken ensign. He walked over to the trampoline and dropped the small girl unceremoniously on the bouncy material.

She was up and on him in less than a second, surprising the surly commanderenough so she could knock him to the ground. The wrestled around on the ground for a while, Taz managing surprisingly well in a dress and a pair of heels – boots or no boots, before Up managed to hoist her up, dangling,one hand wrapped around the girl's ankle.

She shrieked, feeling the blood rushing towards her head, her face going red.

"Ok! Ok! I surrender! Me rindo! Let me go! Put me down! Lo siento! Let me go!" And that's exactly what he did. She fell, her head hitting training mat beneath her. She yelled out in pain,

"Jou hijo de putta! Dat hurt!" Taz glared at the tall man smirking down at her as she rubbed her head

"You're not going _soft _now are you Taz?" She growled and got ready to pounce again when Up froze, looking up. Taz followed his gaze then swore. Hanging above the pair of them was a lone piece of mistletoe, probably left over from Christmas celebrations.

Only problem was, that with all the special technology available to people nowadays, the mistletoe used on the ship had some sort of electrical parts, cause once you're caught under it with someone else – you're stuck.

Taz slowly stood and tried to back away, hoping that this one was completely normal and technological free.

Sadly – she was wrong. Again.

She stepped backwards onto an electrical force field which pushed her straight into Up's chest. The breath was knocked out of her as she hit the robot side, then she looked up into Up's eyes.

"We're screwed," he murmured. Taz looked down, her hands pressed against his chest, feeling a red blush work its way onto her cheeks. As the warmth in her cheeks fade, Up began to speak,

"Look Taz -"

"Kiss me."

Up looked taken aback, and even Taz was surprised at her words.

"Taz -"

"Up we aren't gonna get out of here unless jou kiss me. Do it." Taz glared at him, almost daring him not to. Up gave her a look, before lowering his head and capturing her lips with his.

The spark was almost immediate

Taz felt her hands wind up around Up's neck, tangling in his hair, pulling him closer. His hands wound around her waist, pressing her to him, deepening the kiss. They could have stood there for hours if it weren't for the small gasp that came from the doorway,

"Oh!"

The pair broke away, Taz's face bearing a scowl not unlike the one she bore when leaving February's room before the party. The blonde head was poking around the door and had a hand covering her gaping mouth

"Oh gosh – sorry guys! I'll just be going. Oh – and Tazzie – I told you so!"

February disappeared around the door and it clanged shut, the sound reverberating across the walls of the room.

Taz took a step back, her face redder than her dress and bit her lip. Up looked down, staring intently at his shoes. All he wanted to do was sweep Taz back up into his arms and press those soft lips to his.

But he couldn't do that – the look on Taz's face told him he wouldn't live to see the New Year if he did.

Speaking of New Year, as they stood there, they could hear the distant chanting,

"_Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!"_ Up chanced a look at Taz. She glanced up at him, and said,

"_Feliz año Nuevo_ Up." She murmured, before backing away, then turning and all but running out the door of the gym.

Up stood there for a few more minutes when he realised something. With February's big mouth, by noon today the whole ship would know what had happened. Collecting himself – Up walked out of the gym, leaving all thought about what had just happened behind him.

Or so he thought.

**A/N: So what do you think? Also – all the Spanish is Google translate, so if it's wrong – don't hate me! I know, like, three words in Spanish, so I really need to apologise if I got it wrong. Hope you like!**


	3. OneShot Ideas!

Kay – I'm low on ideas for Tup fanfics, so I thought 'Hey? What if I like, got ideas from other people!'

Yea, now I think about it, that sounds bad…. Oh well.

So! If you have any one-shot (or two, preferably one) ideas, message me with the following details:

Characters (doesn't have to be preferably Tup or Spayonder. I'm good at those.)

Pre/Post Bug World

Setting

Plot summary-idea-thing

And any other important details. Most of my fanfic ideas come from quotes or phrases I hear around places – like my first Tup was just 'Grateful for Nightmares' (hence the title)

So yea! Thanks! Enjoy!

Oh yeah, and for those who've read my Harry Potter fic (Between the Linings) if you have any ideas, or want to adopt it or something, you've got two days. I'm taking it down on the 1st if I don't have any takers.

So okay!

Hugs and butterfly kisses,

Your Mai Lynn :-)


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